Stephanie

I grew up in a broken home, When my father and mother got married, my mother was pregnant from me, (their second child together), and neither she nor my dad where ready for marriage. She gave birth to me when she was 18 years old they were not ready to be parents either.
My Father still wanted to party and on the weekends he would leave my Mother, my brother and myself alone and he would go out and drink. When he drank he would become violent.
Sadly one of the few childhood memories I have of my parents together, is of them fighting. I can remember my brother and I hiding behind a dresser because my Father was throwing things at my mother.

It wasn’t long before they split up. After the split I rarely saw my Father.
I remember my Mother having different boyfriends trying to find love and maybe a father for her 3 children.
I was only 8 years old and In the process of her search, her boyfriend’s son molested me. The events in my life were destroying me, Not having my Father around, and being molested affected me greatly.
After the initial molestation, It seemed that I became a magnet to be victimized. I sometimes felt that I wore a sign that said, “I am a victim, feel free to molest me!” I lived in a state of insecurity, fear, and I longed for the love and affection of my father.
Riding the bus to and from school was sheer torture, boys would touch me and harass me. My brother saw them doing this and would try to stick up for me, but the bullies were bigger than he was, so they didn’t care what he said. They continued to torment me. I often wondered what was wrong with me.

I was starving for love, As I continued to grow up, but still too young to have a boyfriend, I began to crave attention from anyone who would give it to me. If a guy would show me attention I would go willingly with him. I wanted to fill the emptiness I felt when my father left.
My Mother’s permissiveness didn’t help, She knowingly let me go and stay wherever I wanted for as long as I wanted. I spend the night at my friend’s and boyfriend’s house, I would be there for days and weeks. I felt as though I mattered to no one.

When I was 13 years old I met a boy named Jesus. He was my older brother’s best friend and I liked him a lot. Whenever he came over I would follow him around everywhere he went. He started liking me too and when I was 14 years old we became boyfriend and girlfriend.
Not having a whole lot of parental guidance, and being so starved for love, I soon became pregnant at the age of 15. ( We were both two kids having a child).
I was happy because I thought that I would finally have a family, and love. I was sure that my life would finally begin to change for the better.
I had my beautiful son, Ruben, but my boyfriend was never around. He was heavily involved in a gang so he was always on the street, fighting, partying, drinking. That was his life style and had no plans on changing it. I was more alone than ever!
My boyfriend began to sell drugs here and there to make money, but soon it wasn’t enough and began to get heavily involved in dealing, and trafficking in drugs. He said it was so we could have a better life. I would seldom see him He was gone from 7pm to 6 am, and I never had a clue where he was or who he was with.

My hopes of finally having the love of a family were destroyed. The pain and rejection from all the years began to build up and I was building up so much anger, it was always just beneath the surface and It didn’t take much to bring it out. I felt so hurt inside, from all the injustice that had happened to me, Being abandoned, molested, neglected, unloved .
My only way to express my pain and frustration was to lash out, hit, yell, throw, and break things.

I was so tired, So young and I was already so tired….
I had had enough of the loneliness, the crying, the fighting.
I worried constantly about My boyfriend not coming home, or about the phone call that would one day announce that he was found somewhere dead .
I lived in desperation. I didn’t know where to go for help, so I stayed in the situation and continued to take all the abuse.
When I was 17 years old I got pregnant from my second child. I felt so sad because I had nothing to offer my children. They were going to grow up In the same lifestyle I had. The same loneliness, the same emptiness. No father, violence all around them. I wanted to change things so desperately.

Around this time my boyfriend, Jesus) was also getting tired of his lifestyle. He had the control over others that he seemed to need, cars thousands of dollars, houses . But non of it was enough, it didn’t cut it for him.
We both were hungry for more, But what?
At the same time my older brother told us about the Lord, he had started going to this Home Bible study. They said that this Bible study was going to eventually be a church.
The Pastors had come to E. San Diego to tell people about the love of God, and that Jesus could change their lives. In the past my brother and his wife were constantly having problems, often times the police being called on them and now they were attending this bible study. They said God was helping them and he could do the same for us.

We decided to go to the bible study with them. It was at the Pastors house ,there was a small group of people there. All were new to the things of God, But God’s presence was there and he was about to do a miracle in our lives! As they sang simple worship songs and the word of God began to come forth, We opened up our heart and gave our lives to Jesus Christ, Our lives were radically changed!
My Boyfriend stopped dealing drugs, We got married, (Which is something he said he would never do.) I gave birth to a little girl her name is Annabelle. We finally have the Love and family that I always wanted. My children have a beautiful life with a mother and father who love each other, and it is all because of Jesus Christ!
I am no longer lonely, sad or depressed. I am no longer suicidal! My husband is a changed man He loves his family, But most of all we love Jesus Christ, he has given us the family we always wanted! It has been 6 years now since we walked into the little Bible study, never dreaming that Almighty God had an appointment with us that day in that living room.
The Bible Study is now a church (New Harvest in east San Diego), We have witnessed people come through the doors of the church, so hurt and as they surrender to Jesus,
we also get the joy of seeing them restored before our very eyes! Not everyone stays, but those that do are an example of God’s changing power!
If you are reading this testimony, and can relate to some of the pain in my life, Open up your heart, ask Jesus Christ to forgive you of your sins and to be your Lord and savior, Look for a good church that teaches the word of God, And you too will see that God is real and he loves you. He cares about you.
If you need prayer or a church to go to, you are welcome at our church.