Maria..

I was forced to give up my one dream…

My Name is Maria S. and I want to thank God for his Mercy because yet I was In Sin he rescued ME!!

I came from a broken home as a young child I saw my father beat my Mom to a point that I thought he was going to Kill her.  At that time I was filled with Terror that would cause me to Freeze and made me unmovable as I witnessed my Mom Cry, Scream, & Plea to my father to stop.

 I was a young child and wanted to protect my mom & my little Sister but, all

 I was be able to do was Hold my sister and cover her ears. 

However, even though there were bad times there were also, Good times!!!

Still,

I would always ask, “GOD why was I Born!!”  I was Angry because I was born in this Family.  It was then I learned how to Hide my Feelings and always appear as though everything was okay.

As I Grew up, at the age of 9, I was sexually abused by someone that I loved and trusted!!  I did not understand why he did it.   All I new was that it was wrong.  I then became ANGRIER towards  LIFE, & My MOM.  I did not understand how something like this could happen to a child!  I then wanted to forget all about what happened.   Kept it a secret because I did not want my Mom & My Grand Parents get hurt and know that my Uncle, their Son, & My Mom’s Young Brother had done that to me.  I kept it a secret for so long that as I grew older I was not sure if it was real or all a sick dream that I Imagined!

As I Became a Young adult I grew up thinking that I did not need anyone’s help & that I could do everything myself!  I was also Angry with Men!  For so many reasons.

As a young adult I always contemplated with the Idea of suicide!  However, I could not do it because I would think what would happen to my Mom how that would hurt her.

So As I learned to drive and had my own car I  had thoughts & dreams of Dying

In the Car.  So I would go to Topanga Canyon Road in Malibu and go at 50 to 60 miles

Per hour on those curves.  I thought that if I would loose control it would not be considered my fault and God would let me into Heaven.  You see I was a Catholic and was taught, Suicide is a Sin that would not let you enter heaven.  I was tired of life and did not want to go to Hell.

I started to go from Night Club to Night Club trying to forget everything at home.  My Dad & Mom Continued Fighting.  He would leave for days and then come home. As a result I had to grow up fast.  I started working since the age of 12. 

So Partying and speed racing in the Hills was to me a way of feeling free!!  However,

In front of friends I put on a Happy face mask and acted like everything was okay.  In reality, on the Inside I was hurting so bad that I just wanted to end it all!

I would walk down the Boulevard and people would come and hand me  flyers and tell me that, “Jesus was the answer.”  Inside Of me I thought, “these Hypocrites are drug addicts and they think that Jesus can help them. If the programs can’t help then nothing can.”  I would take the flyers and then just discard them as they would leave.  I thought, “this is not for me, everything is okay!” My denial kicked in,  I was lying to my self!

One day as I was driving to Santa Monica in my red car at 80 miles per hour I was involved in a very bad car accident.  My car was totaled and I was not Hurt! As I got out of the car I said to God, “Why did you let me LIVE?  I did not Understand why!!

By this time my Dad had left for good!  I then had to drop college.  That had been my only dream & now I had to give it up!  I wanted to be a Mechanical Engineer!   I wanted to design the Best car anyone had ever been in.  I would sketch cars and explain many of the new things that I was going to invent for my special car.

So giving up college was the Hardest thing that I’d had to do.  All my dreams were gone now!  The only thing that I’d Hoped for was taken from me!  I was tired of everything. One day I was at home alone I began to cry out to God!! I remembered what the people on the boulevard would tell me as they

handed me the flyers.  I told God, “Show me that you are God and send some one to me that will tell me about you and then I will accept you into my life!!”

In July Of 1990 I started to work for Basic Elements and shortly after Jaymie started to Work with me!  I would see her read her Bible and I desperately wanted her to tell me

About Jesus But, as always I put on a Front.

Tired of the heavy burden I was carrying, I accepted Jesus into My Heart!!! All I can tell you is that Jesus is the Best thing that ever happen to me!  My life has been totally changed!  I have Joy where before I had Anguish, Anger & Fear!  God Delivered me from the Torment That I was In!!

Maybe you are in a situation similar to mine. I want to tell you that there is only one person that can help and his name is Jesus!!  If you are tired of your life, if you have been HURT So Bad & you Do not Understand WHY?  Then Let God Help!   You do not have to continue to live that way because God has so much for you!!

John 3:16 for God so loved the World that he gave his only Son, that for whoever believes in him should not perish Have everlasting live.