First of all I’d like to thank God for my Salvation. It is only through his loving mercy that I am saved today. By the blood of Jesus Christ.
I was first saved back in 1991, but I allowed my way of life to dominate me and so I backslid and walked away from God.
I always ran away from my problems and allowed any little thing to be an excuse to turn to drugs or alcohol.
I now understand that, our struggles are not of this world but they are spiritual in nature.
My struggle was always with Low self esteem. Not fitting in, loneliness, and alcohol.
I drank on a daily basis. No longer because I wanted to but because I needed to just to be able to function.
Funny how the Devil doesn’t tell when you first start drinking all the pain that your drinking will bring you. He paints the pretty picture, fun and a good time, Then one day you find yourself enslaved to the bottle. Then he mercilessly begins to destroy you and all those around you that your life affects, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t find the door.
.
I’ve always wanted to feel accepted and loved by others, by my father, by my peers. And also the love and acceptance of a woman. I really didn’t care much for material things, but I had such an emptiness inside that I turned to other things to fill it. I turned to alcohol to forget my troubles and feelings of worthlessness.
I struggled for years down that road. After a while I convinced myself that there was nothing wrong with me.
I would drink and then the feelings of guilt would come. I needed to suppress these feelings so I drank, found a woman or got high. The cycle just revolved and the feelings of worthlessness come back stronger, and so I had to hide from these feelings and so on and so on…..
I have 8 kids ranging in ages from 24 to 1 year old. 5 boys and 3 girls. They also have had a hard life, only because of having to endure my being their father.
They grew up watching me drink my life away. Watching failed relationships, watching my health fail, my body become ill from the effects of alcohol.
The alcohol induced violence. The times I said I would come to see them and I would never show up.
I thought of my own selfish needs and put myself before them. I still find myself feeling so unworthy of their love.
My children found the Lord and I stand so amazed at God’s mercy. My eldest son Joseph got saved first, and then he in turn brought in his sister and her boyfriend. My Son in law and my daughter got married and he became a Pastor. They never gave up on me. They all prayed for me faithfully. Even when things looked hopeless and I was living in another State, they continued to pray and believe God for my salvation.
Now through their prayers and their constant love I also know the Lord. God has delivered me from alcohol, He has seen me through the days of withdrawal, Through uncertainties and all the self doubt, and I know that he will see me through one day at a time.
My kids showed me unconditional love, I know that, that’s the way God loves us.
He waits for our cries. He wants us to call out to him in our time of need, to come to him weak, stressed out, and sick.
What a wonderful feeling to call out to Jesus, he comes right into our hearts and fills the void. I want to testify that God’s love is real, and that he fills your heart with real peace and joy. Not the kind you get from a bottle or from some drug, Not even the love of a woman can compare with his unwavering, unchanging love. I will be forever grateful for what he has done in my children, He came in and healed them from the damage they had in their lives.
Not only that, he saved me forgave me also! I know he has a plan for my life.
Before I came to him I found myself among the scoffers, the doubters, yes even the mockers. This road only led me to emptiness. I was ready for the end, I was dead in my alcoholism, drugs, and all my failures, But because of his power I now know it is only the beginning!
I have life now because of the blood Jesus shed on the cross. He paid the price for all my sins, so that I could have life and be declared not guilty! He is waiting to do the same for you, He will not judge you, he will accept you just as you are. He waits with open arms. Turn to him today.
God Bless.
